NEW NEW NEW

Hooray! This looking forward to all the new(s) that are coming into my life. New year, New decade, new pastimes. Everything is new to me, and hopefully it will continually be new. I'm finally starting classes for my radiology course. I've been waiting so long and now I finally get to stretch my brain lol. New life experiences are sure to come with this alone. I've found so many new inspirations this year. Influencing my writing, my pride, my love, my music, everything is going to be new new new. Never before seen, or heard of. I'm becoming impatient just waiting for all of this newness to explode and to overwhelm all the bland and typical things we're forced to witness. and take part of. So be ready for anything, because new LIFE is coming this way. An innumerable flow of new blessings, new beginnings , new love, are waiting in line waiting for your gates to open. Once the gates are opened, brace yourself, because the newness of God will make an impact.

............... yeah

Just a few funny things i've noticed over the last few weeks.

I've been tickled to no end about the way i've been confronted about many things lately. Whether it's one person being overly dramatic about me missing an alarm when they miss theirs every other week and I take the heat for it. Or if it's the same person putting my business out for a few to hear when the business is none of his nor theirs. Whether someone tells me it's immoral to visit my girlfriend, because she's away at college and I rarely get to see her. Or I need my spirit checked because I went to a different church. If you're seriously gonna be so judgmental over little things and throw the "experience" card at me, then please kindly PISS OFF. I have no time or energy to waste on your "holier than thou" bs that you call advice. If I seriously wanna throw everything away and waste away to nothing, I'll take your advice. But I seriously tend to improve, so ignoring you might be the best option, not only for me, but those who accidently stumble in your path. Because I pray that they have enough self-respect and wisdom to ignore any word that comes out of your mouth. Manipulation is the lowest form of deception, and you've seemed to master it. So don't be surprised if I roll my eyes at you when your mouth opens. Because I already know that whatever comes out will only be left to rot. It's not of God and your pride swells when your words are heard. So if you really wanna help me out, drop the kind charade you're pulling. Drop the judgment and SHUT YOUR MOUTH!!!!!!

First Comes Love

What a funny thing love is. It really does make you do the strangest things. Whether it makes you smile for no apparent reason, or brings you to tears when you realize how honest it truly is. Which brings me to so many questions, yet leads me to so many answers. Looking at my friends, I've always wondered when or how they knew that they found the one for them. The answer was obvious, because you could just see it written all over their faces. But after all the years of asking, and going to all the weddings. The only thing that matters is the love that they share. You see that, and you want that love all to yourself, so you either search and you search and you search, or you wait and you wait and you wait. Hoping that you'll find it, or that it'll sit next to you and grab your attention. And when you do find it, it brings out this new person that you've never known was within you. This different, better person. Who strives to be the best man, boyfriend, husband, lover, worker, father, the list goes on and on. When I found love, everything within me burned for that. And since that day, I've only made progress in life. I found work, I'm enrolled @ LC, I'm more sensible with finances, I'm about to get my license. Love has driven me to this point where all I can do is improve. My relationships, my whole life in general has changed so much. So whether you find love, or love tackles you from out of nowhere. EMBRACE IT. Because if love is in it's truest form, you will become BETTER than what you ever thought possible.

oops

This is for the one person who just had a great day turn to only good because he's an idiot. STOP BEING SO STUPID!!!!! REMEMBER ALL THE PROMISES YOU MADE AND DO YOUR BEST TO HONOR THEM!!!! Why couldn't you make one simple phone call to say goodnight and talk to her? why did you completely let time slip away. IDIOT!

Tap You Out!

What is it about me that makes me want to smash in a guys face? I am probably the least violent person you'll EVER meet. But certain situations call out my rage and it pisses me off when I can't let it out. Here are a couple of things You may NEVER do on my watch.

1) Get into a woman's face with a balled up fist. If I see that I may just perhaps, lay you out.

2) Be completely disrespectful to a pregnant woman. I.E. Make her cry with your stupid candor, raise your voice in an aggressive tone, make her feel like nobody will want her because of the child, it goes on and on.

3) Be a completely worthless father. If you can't take care of your child(ren), I'll take care of you. Because I was the only one with balls to stand up to my father. So don't for a second think I'll be scared of you.

4) Don't EVER be a manipulative prick. Enough said about that.

5) If you EVER try to cause division between family that I'm close to. I.E Mine or one that took me in like my GF's family, or the Hawes family. Avoid all contact with me. Because if you get this far without me hurting you, You're blessed. If you get this far without me even having a say, then God for some reason, showed you mercy.

Please understand that violence is not something I condone, But I am a lion of the tribe of Judah. I will defend my pride. Not one lion, especially a lioness will be harmed in your cowardly efforts. So if you charge, be ready to fall.

Babies Really Are Blessings :)

Going into the week I was certain of a couple things. One, It was gonna be a week like none other, and two, I was gonna be happy at the end of it. Tuesday came with news @ 4:30 AM that My girlfriend's cousin's water broke. She was carrying my godson, so I was completely ecstatic. I waited throughout the day to hear he was born. Then night time came and she was still in labor. I thought to myself "Interesting." I went to worship practice, did my thing, and learned that she was still in labor. My girlfriend swung by and decided to bring me to the hospital. It was now 10:30 PM, And I was starting to grow weary of waiting for him to be born. We waited for three and a half more hours, and the nurses noticed something and had the mother moved in for a C-Section. After 45 more grueling minutes, we heard the news of crying in the O.R. So we rushed back up to the maternity ward to hear the cries of my newborn godson. When I first saw him, my whole perspective on a lot of things changed. I didn't see just a baby boy, I saw a responsibility that I've never really felt myself growing up. I held him for the first time on saturday and felt this undying need to take care of him, and to make sure that is future is secure. Because I strongly feel that certain people that may be in his life are gonna fall well short of that need. I felt privileged to even be considered to be a godfather, and here I am wanting to make sure that his life is set in Godliness and stability.

When I held him today after service, I almost cried because it stirred up memories that I thought were lost, or forgotten. I felt the abandonment my father put me through try to creep up on me. But all it did was stir up my righteous anger, and made me even more determined to do all that I can to make sure he doesn't feel the same things I felt.

Survey This!

So I was looking at negative statistics on the web for something we're doing at the church. I have to say that statistics aren't helping my already frail optimism at all. Why do we even listen to statistics of a survey on the complete opposite side of the country when we don't even know the statistics in our own church? What makes us so oblivious to the fact that our area is COMPLETELY DIFFERENT from the Northeast, and the Pacific Coast? We may have better statistics, or we may have worse, WHO KNOWS? I don't want my faith to be based off this bull crap because people use this to manipulate countless people. That's worng ,and anyone who believes them is STUPID! So again I say sift and weigh every word you say or hear, because if you don't you'll become another depressing statistic. I don't want to be a number and if I am, I pray it's on the good side. :)

ramblin on and on and on and on and............

What is it about music that always gets to me? I'll just be listening to a simple progression, then all of a sudden, I'm in uncontrolable tears. Especially over one song in particular over the last few days. I've been listening to Soon written by Brooke Ligertwood (aka Brooke Fraser). Every time I hear this song, or I practice it, I lose it. What is it about a song about being in God's glory, in heaven, just move me to tears so easily? What season in my life is happening that everything makes me want to cry, or moves me so deeply? How powerful are words? If one song can change my mindset about Heaven and my own walk, How powerful are my words without even realizing some of the things I say? Please sift and weigh every word you hear people. For the words that are coming out of your mouth reflect your heart. You can't lie to those who know you, because your eyes scream a different story than what your tongue proclaims. If you can, get right with God, because that's manipulation, manipulation is an evil, evil spirit. And it only breeds division and disharmony. I've seen it destroy the closest of relationships, and break families apart. And in all this rambling on, I feel the need to just lose it one more time. To set my inhibitions aside and shed a few more tears. Because in the truth of it all, I'm BLESSED. I can let my emotions go, so in the future I can let my true self run wild. To be truly me, wholly me. Because I can't afford to be anyone else. Because if I was anyone but me, then I've manipulated you all. So THANK YOU JESUS FOR CHECKING ME EVERY TIME I FAIL YOU!

Wait For It!

I was just thinking, what if we stopped focusing on how lame a situation is and practice working on how God sees fit for our moment. I mean, it's difficult enough not knowing when God will handle something, because we don't think like Him. Then we grow impatient because we can't wait for God to answer anymore. I'm amused how little people can wait it out. His word says " If you abide in me, and my word abides in you, then you shall ask what you will, and it shall be granted unto you." The only way God and His word can abide in us is through the patience that we develop in our walk. Nothing comes and then we WAIT ON GOD. It's that simple, because His timing isn't our timing. He holds a lot of things off until we prove that we are mature enough to wait on Him. Then, He blesses us and gives us good measure more as a reward for waiting on His timing. God never leaves us nor forsakes us, but we leave Him and forsake Him too much.
Wake up those who are sleeping in the garden. Because is time to play the waiting game.

6-15-09

Well let's try this thing out, Shall we?

I'm just sitting here after not being told that there was no basketball at church. I'm just listening to my thoughts and they're stuck on the awesomeness that was last night. Yesterday at cell group, we were having our normal lesson, when all of a sudden, God sent down revelation to everyone for different situations, past, present and future. This was this consuming fire that I've never felt before. People were saying prophetic things, I'll get to that later. But I'm convinced that God was with us after the meeting. After we left, someone's odometer had 77,710 on it and our restaurant bill was $77.77. Even though I continue to run this race with the least of these after yesterday, YOU CAN'T TELL ME GOD ISN'T REAL! Because I FELT Him, I HEARD his voice. And I long for it, more of it and nothing less.